Saturday, January 31, 2009

Private parts

I will not cross the line . I will not cross the line. I will not cross the line.

In my zeal to amuse you, I have often taken you to topics that blur the distinction between private and public. You have been lying with me during my prostate exams and have questioned with me why everyone seemed to have knowledge regarding the size of my manhood. My ego and my body parts have often been on full display.

But I must always remember that it is my journey that I am asking you to share in. My friends and family did not sign on as co-conductors of this train. What I think might amuse you about others is of no moment. No one signs an assumption of risk form when they enter into a discussion with me. Their lives are not proper topics for these pages.

I had dinner with 3 other couples last night. The conversation was often hilarious and clearly not intended to go beyond the 4 walls that held in our words Yet, as the evening ended, there was a slightly nervous discussion as to whether they might waken to find their thoughts revealed for all the world's viewing.

I don't want my friends looking over their shoulders to see if I am writing down their words as they speak. I don't want them guarded in my presence. I don't want them avoiding me for fear my lunacy has tentacles.

I promise to my wife, my son , my daughter and my friends that I will practice my mantra every day. I will not invade other people's territories in a mad rush for literary power and glory. I will not reach across the line of privacy for my own journalistic advancement. I will obey the rules of a writer's Geneva convention and not take my friends prisoners of my pen.

I will shortly be walking through freshly fallen snow with many of last night's entourage. I am contemplating handing them a document waiving my right to report on any intimacies which may be revealed. I fear it is the only way they will let me travel with them. I wouldn't blame them.


Unknown said...

dad, i appreciate your witty titles, but this one made me nervous. the content, however, is much appreciated. i am sorry if this vow of privacy keeps you from achieving the glory and fame you so deserve.

Robert said...

If glory and fame want to find me, they know where I am.


Anonymous said...

Robert, don't be boring -- expose your friends -- i'll bet you'll find them mugging and playing to the lens you point their way. You may lose a few acquaintances (and family) along the way but what fun we'll all have while you do.

Robert said...

Are you volunteering to be victim #1, or is there someone else you have in mind?