Tuesday, April 14, 2009

On Bended Knee

I find myself, with increasing regularity in the past several days, staring at my computer while on my knees. I am not a religious person and my being in a position of supplication has nothing to do with prayers to a higher being. I have been reduced to this state by an old enemy who has reared its ugly head. My back is out of whack.

I have now taken to carrying my version of a whoopee cushion with me whereever I travel. It has a nice little hole in the rear which, if one didn't know better, might be conceived as having a function other than its intended use, which is to relieve pressure on the lower back.

My day now starts by waking up and trying to undo the damage done by a bad night's sleep. This morning I was showered by 5AM and with an ice pack on my back by 5:30. I am a little bit like a walking image of the evolution of man, as I go from hunched to straighter to as straight as I can get in a series of progressive movements. Sitting is uncomfortable. Lying down is uncomfortable. Thinking about it is uncomfortable.

The chiropractor and I are on speed dial. Morning and evening I was being manipulated and adjusted yesterday. Today, I am trying to make do with one push and pull. I am waiting for that satisfying crack when the offending part of my body is pulled away from its partner in crime. So far, they are stuck together with superglue.

We often talk of someone being a pain in the ass. You don't know the half of what that means until your sciatic nerve decides to introduce itself to you. A car ride from the Berkshires to New Jersey gives new definition to the word 'long'. Bumps in the road become disciples of the devil.

I have to end this piece now to give my end some peace. I am off to my new best friend as he and I once more begin our intimate conversation. He is a pain in my ass waiting to happen.


RobE said...

It hurts just reading about it!
Although you may walk hunched over, a neandrathal you are not. Feel better!--RobE

Robert said...

Thankfully, the pain has now been replaced by discomfort. I am moving up the food chain and hope soon to only have an annoyance and finally only a memory of pain.