Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Reverse Discrimination

I am prepared to file an emergent application on behalf of my clients. It is the most blatant of wrongs that I have witnessed in many years. As I look down, from my perch high above, on the sea of empty seats that go begging for occupants, the facts are self-evident. The NY Yankees are discriminating against the uber rich.

For years they luxuriated behind the dugout, trying to catch the eye of Jeter in the on deck circle. They attempted to break the fall of our beloved shortstop as he dove headfirst into their arms while making that immortal catch of the ball along the third base line. They basked in the sunshine and the glory. Now there are only a few scattered about. Jeter might well be headed for the disabled list if he took that flying leap today.

These people will not go quietly to the nose bleeds where I have resided for many years. They are the corporate giants of yesteryear or the bankers who now have little to bank on. In their hour of need the Yankees have turned their backs on the ‘big’ people.

How dare they charge up to $2,625 for the premium seats to comfortably rest one’s derriere. When the uber rich find the costs obscene and unattainable the most uber rich of them all, the Yankees, must be held accountable. We in this country have witnessed the reality that all men are created equal, that all of us deserve the same chances and opportunities. It is not only the upper middle class that must be given the right to sit in the seats they can afford and desire. Someone has to stand up for the uber rich and protect them from the tyranny of the ruler. These oppressed people need their voice to be heard. I am willing to be their savior. All I require is a retainer from each of them equal to 1/3 of the yearly price of the piece of history they wish to put their seat in.

Yankees, I will see you in court.


Anonymous said...

Your friends should buy a first row season subscribtion for you- just like we did when we bought you that driver

Robert said...

If you give me the name and phone number of those friends, I will call them right away.