Monday, June 15, 2009


Things you would rather not hear before and after back surgery:

1. From the pain management doctor as you lie on the floor in his waiting area- "You must be Robert. You are not a very good advertisement for my practice".
2. From the neurosurgeon on my visit to him- "I am so sorry I can't do the surgery today. Do you think you can make it until next Tuesday?"
3.From the administrators (to the best of a narcotic-clouded recollection) as they direct you to the other side of the hospital for your pre-op tests, at a moment when walking is not an option you want to contemplate, but sitting in a wheelchair is out of the question- "You go down the hall, make 2 lefts, a right and another right, take the elevator to the basement, and then make 2 lefts".
4.From your wife as you lay on the floor in various pre-op waiting areas at the hospital- " Let me put your raincoat on the floor and you can rest your head on it".
5.From your wife as you lay on the living room floor, unable to sit, stand or walk without uber pain- "It is about 2 hours until your next dose of percoset".
6.From your friend as you lay on the living room floor for almost 4 days- "Do you know how many pock marks there are on your ceiling"?
7.From the nurse in the recovery room- "I just can't be coming back to you so often to help you put down the side of your bed so you can go to the bathroom".
8 From the nurse in the recovery room- "You are not going home today"
9.From the nurse, when responding to my "buzzer"- "I am so sorry that they didn't follow up on your request an hour ago for anti-nausea medicine. I will get to it now."
10.From the doctor in the hospital at 2AM as you continue to feel an uncontrollable urge to urinate- "Let me tell you about the problems associated with a Foley catheter."

It is now almost a week after surgery. The procedure seems to have been a success. I have returned to work, and appear to have rid myself of the demon that resided within. Thankful does not even come remotely close to how grateful and fortunate I feel.


Jared Alessandroni said...

Good to see you're back!

Unknown said...

i am glad you are feeling better, daddy.

Robert said...

good has a whole new meaning now.

David G said...

BACK will be when I see you tee it up and we watch your first easy drive comfortably fall in the middle of the fairway. But glad to hear you are doing much better.

SCL said...

I was posting a comment and my computer mysteriously shut down. I will try for the second time.

Happy to learn that you are back on your feet. I will call you later so that I can listen very closly to your voice. I do not expect to hear any: stress, discomfort or pain in your voice. Be prepared.


Robert said...

Stress, discomfort or pain in my voice may have nothing to do with my physical well being. I can tell you of clients who have, on many occasions, caused those feelings to surface.

I thank everyone for their concern and their well wishes.