Sunday, April 27, 2014

The Death of the Gimme

I am fundamentally opposed to creating a cavernous hole in the middle of every green, as it changes one essential component of the game of golf: the "gimme".

No longer could we take out a putter, place it lengthwise between the hole and the ball and announce "its in the leather". No more could we stride briskly after our first poorly struck putt and knock it away, almost before it stops moving, thereby advising the rest of the group of our 100% certainty that the next stroke would be one of perfection. Never again could we look pleadingly into the eyes of those in our foursome, almost begging to hear the words "that's good".

If the universe were to accept an ultimate golf destination the approximate circumference of the Grand Canyon, how could we talk about the "yips" over a four footer? Those long belly putters would soon be a relic of the past, and the economic ramifications on the industry would be calamitous.

My round of golf consists of an accumulation of methods of cheating: two off the first tee, a floating mulligan, moving the ball in the rough, an inability to count past seven, considering out of bounds a mere suggestion and any other way to bend and manipulate the rules so that the ultimate score comes within a few well placed pencil marks of where I require it to be.

Don't mess with perfection. Don't make the green only a receptacle rather than a place where our creative instincts shine most brightly.

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