Tuesday, March 1, 2016

The Opening Statement of Donald Trump in His Debate with Jesus

Moderator:"Welcome to the final Republican debate before you, the voter, must decide whether Jesus Christ or Donald Trump is to be your choice as the party's nominee for the 2016 election. We begin with Mr. Trump's opening statement."

Donald Trump:

"First let me say that I don't believe my opponent has a right to appear before you tonight. On reliable information, I have been advised that he was not born in this country, nor is there any evidence that either of his parents (who have not revealed themselves to us) were born in the best nation in the world, the United States."

"While some of you have questioned my magnificent mass of  hair, I ask you to look at this leftover from Woodstock. He has refused to trim his beard, cut his locks or even take those stupid sandals off his feet. He wears a dress, I swear it is a dress, and he has never so much as given thought to putting on a tie and jacket. What kind of face is this? What is he hiding?"

"And he continually quotes his father, as though he does not have ideas of his own. He reminds me of Jeb! who tried to call upon his brother and his mommy and daddy to save him. That is not strength my friends.That is desperation."

"These are hard times requiring hard decisions by someone willing to stand strong. ISIS sticks a poke in our eye. The Chinese pilfer from us. The Mexicans rape our women and addict us to their drugs. And what would Jesus do to any of these jerks, to these low life scum? What would Jesus do? Turn the other cheek, that is what he would do."

"I may not be politically correct but these are not politically correct times. We can not allow weakness to be our calling card, we cannot be all nicey-nice with Assad, the North Koreans, with Iran. We cannot show signs of forgiveness, of tolerance of understanding. These animals do not respond to any of that. They will not listen until we put an American made nuclear weapon in their face.'

"And if you think Jesus is wrong on foreign policy, and believe me, he is very, very wrong, then look what he would do to us at home. He makes Bernie Sanders look like a conservative (not that there is anything wrong with being a conservative. I am, I swear, a true conservative). Socialist is too nice a word for him. Look, I am all for the poor, believe me, I care about them. I do not want any of them dying in the streets, at least not in front of any of  my many fantastic buildings, unbelievable residences or stupendous golf courses. But the rich are rich for a reason and it was not because we gave away a loaf of bread every time someone had a hand out begging for it. We are better than that in the United States."

"Don't get me wrong. I like Jesus. In fact, I really like the guy. He just doesn't have what it takes to do the job. This is too important a moment in the history of this nation to leave someone like Jesus in charge."

" Let's not give them four more years of Obama lite, of Jesus who says he understands others, forgives their trespasses. This is not who we are. I ask that you send a loud and clear message to the world that America is about to be great again. Send Jesus home to whatever country he came from. And for his sake, it better not be a place I will bomb my first day in office."


Anonymous said...

I am sorry Robert the Donald would never have spoken so eloquently.

Anonymous said...

That’s very clever. As much as I loathe Trump, he’s merely a symptom; not the disease. At root is the moral struggle between the inherent decency of the individual as opposed to the corruption of any organization, be it the Church, our Universities, the Corporation, both Political Parties, or Nation States. I also loathe the mass-media, that corrupt, relentless persuasion of our time. Everything I admire and respect is, and has been, the product of intense individualism. Whether so-called Western Democracies or dictatorships, what we have is this incredible impertinence of renouncing the individual in favor of the mass. In the history of mankind, when have mass philosophies ever brought benefit or wisdom?