Monday, September 26, 2016

Round One

Let's Get Ready to Stumble
In the blue corner, wearing a lovely pantsuit, out of the state of New York by way of Arkansas, weighing in at (it is really impolite to guess the size of a woman), the former first lady, senator and secretary of state (no Donald, not that kind of secretary), the feisty, sometimes beaten but never defeated, the woman so much of America loves to hate,  the one and only Hillary Rodham Clinton.

In the red corner, his face glowing a wonderful shade of orange, also hailing from the Empire state (and this man knows a lot about empires), weighing in on almost everything but knowing next to nothing, the former master of Atlantic City (before it collapsed), the Miss Universe pageant (before it became totally irrelevant), and of course the one and only Apprentice (and its equally important first cousin, the Celebrity Apprentice), the ferocious, sometimes a loser but always a winner, the man who never met a mirror he didn't like, the one and only (thank God) Donald John Trump.

As they meet in the center of the ring, the referee, Lester Holt, reminds the combatants to play nice, no biting, kicking or pulling of hair (especially Mr. Trump's), no making up crap on the fly, no boring us with a hundred little facts, no facial expressions, no sighs, no finger pointing and definitely no talking out of turn. For the first violation there is a warning. The second leads to a point being taken away, and the third leads to the candidate being hauled out on a stretcher, the victim of a TKO, or at least of his or her own hubris.

As the countdown clock, which seemed to start three years ago (on those cable station screens which have so much scrolling of breaking news that we seem to forget what story we are watching), reaches zero (Dick Clark would be rolling over in his grave), the crowd roars in anticipation of the greatest disaster to befall this nation since Hostess Twinkies were temporarily removed from the shelves. 
And with that Mr.Trump, seemingly deeply offended by the instructions of Mr. Holt which the Republican candidate knows were intended to move the needle in the favor of Ms. Clinton, suddenly leaves the stage, shouting something about media bias and Lester Holt being a lackey for the man (or in this case, woman). Ms. Clinton, stunned and confused, smiling that smile that does a pretty lousy job of hiding everything she is thinking, wanders away, asking Huma Abedin as she reaches the wings whether that was a good or a bad thing that just happened (maybe she is not the best person to ask this question).

Think it couldn't play out this way? You, me and 100 million others will be tuning in just to see if it does.

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