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Sunday, February 5, 2017

Announcing My Candidacy for President for 2020

I am formally announcing my decision to run for President of the United States in 2020. I have been mulling this over from January 21, as a succession of incomprehensibly bad executive orders have imperiled our nation and really pissed me off. But it is my similarities with Mr. Trump that convinced me I was qualified for the position. In no particular order these are:

1. He has insomnia. I can't sleep when I read his tweets.
2. He has small hands. Big hands are overrated, but I have a big heart.
3. He has had three wives. I have had one wife who wishes I had three.
4. He has no idea what he is doing. I have no idea what he is doing.
5. He wants to keep out Mexicans and Muslims. I want to keep out all those who want to keep out Mexicans and Muslims.
6. He owns plenty of hotels. I have stayed in plenty of hotels.
7. He owns lots of golf courses. I won't play on any of them.
8. He doesn't read books. I really like Good Night Moon.
9. He is orange. I like oranges.
10. He takes finasteride. I am living proof it doesn't always grow hair.
11. He doesn't believe in climate change. I don't believe in the tooth fairy.
12. He wants to make America great again. I want him to resign.
13. He finds the world a dark, foreboding place. I used to sleep with the hall light on when I was a child.
14. He has Steve Bannon and Kellyanne Conway. I don't have an answer for that one.
15. He has insulted and belittled his way to the top. I don't think we understood it was not a Don Rickles routine.
16. He has his own airplane. I live near a bunch of airports.
17. He hates the New York Times. I have visited their offices.
18. He has his new job for at least four years. I don't know if we can last that long.
19. He loves Putin. I love cherry vanilla ice cream.
20. He wants to build a wall. I have a good idea where it should be located.
21. He is intent on destroying our nation. I have seen Hamilton.
22. He changes policy to suit the moment. I have one suit in my closet.
23. He had a fling with Chris Christie. I live in New Jersey.
24. He was the star of the Apprentice. I thought season one was interesting.
25. We can't do any worse than Donald Trump. That is why I am qualified to be the next President.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...



Funny. Go for it!

Tom
- Nussbaum 2020 Campaign Manager

Pam said...

You got my vote! ( never knew you liked cherry vanilla ice cream....)

Anonymous said...

Tooearlytocall was hysterical today! Do you sleep?

FB

Anonymous said...

U have my vote

MLS

Alexandra Nussbaum said...

Very cute. I'd vote for you!

Anonymous said...

Go for it!! Your comments could possibly make you a very qualified candidate. Lol!!!
If Trump got elected, you would certainly do a better job as president!!!

LE

Anonymous said...

get the petition ready! You should easily get as many votes as he did with those qualifications!!Now we just have to think of a slogan!

Anonymous said...

Robert, you have my entire family's vote. If you win, please tell the Secret Service that your code name is "Bald Eagle". --RE

HF said...

President Obama brought his mother-in-law to live in the White House.Would you do the same for me ?