Wednesday, October 17, 2018

The Opening Statement of M.B.S. to Congress

"I like beer. I like beer a lot. I drink lots of beer. But then who among you doesn't like beer. Oh, sorry, wrong speech.

I went to university. The best university. And I graduated at the top of my class (don't dare check facts on me). I am married with 4 lovely children (bring them to me now. No, not Tiffany and Barron. They are not my children). And my wife can drive if she chooses to do so, and go to the movies whenever she wants. Now what more could a woman ask for?

This is who I am. Not the monster you would portray who orders the death of one who would speak out against me, against my kingdom. Imprisonment, sure. Torture, maybe. But not this, never this.

I shed real tears for the man's death, but I never met him, I don't remember him, and I have an affidavit from three million of my loyal subjects saying that each one of them was the force behind this tragedy. I swear on the life of Donald Trump that this was not my doing.

In closing, I ask each of you to look over your shoulder. See those two men standing with AR-15 assault rifles in the corner. Just think of them when you decide my fate. And yours. God Bless America."


Anonymous said...

Our use of the word "strategic ally" in describing Saudi Arabia only accentuates our foreign policy stupidity and appeasment, spanning over many years and administrations. The old saying "sleep with dogs, wake up with fleas" comes to mind. We should be ashamed as a nation that a re-evaluation of Saudi Arabia has not occurred.--RE

Anonymous said...

Appeasement is the correct word, after all I don’t want the Arabs boycotting my hotels, the best hotels of the world.

Anonymous said...

Sad but true. PB