Friday, February 8, 2019

The Phone Call

So, the wait time to speak with you is estimated to be 47 minutes? And the hold music will be like fingers scratching on a chalkboard? And there is a 97 per cent chance if I do stay on the line that entire time that I will then either be disconnected or I will be put on hold for 6 more minutes while you check with your supervisor and then you will apologize when you return and inform me that I am calling the wrong department and you will give me the correct number to call and you will apologize for not being able to transfer me to that department and then you will tell me I should not speak in that tone of voice because you were only trying to assist me and then I will feel guilty for yelling at you, a person who I don't know who was just trying to do your job and is probably not very happy in this particular position and has already been yelled at far too many times today and is not making enough money to be subjected to the abuse that I and others similarly situated give you each and every day and then you will ask politely if there is anything else you can do for me today and then I will say no and then you will thank me for calling and wish me a good day and then I will realize that this was an hour of my life I can never retrieve and I will hang up the phone and wonder why I subjected myself to this?

And if I decide not to make this call I will be mad at myself all day knowing that I should not have to pay the balance of that bill because it was not processed correctly and I know that the company is counting on me not spending the time and effort to fight over such a small amount and I know this is why they make so much money and I know this is wrong and this will never change if I don't pick up the phone and spend an hour getting nowhere and then make that call to the second number and maybe the third and fourth until finally I get someone who says that he or she will authorize the payment of this bill and then he or she will apologize for my inconvenience and wish me a good day and I will say thank you and hang up.

So you can appreciate my dilemma, can't you? Thank you for taking my call  today. Do you have any other questions?


Lawrence Solan said...

I really wasn't angry at you for yelling at me on the phone yesterday. We are trained to deal with that.

Anonymous said...

Hey u r a lawyer.


Anonymous said...

Indeed, you have eloquently and precisely described the very reason so many of us are on blood pressure meds!!

...I so often have wished that I was proficient in any number of languages and had the time and stamina to be a full time advocate, doing just what you described, for those who are unable to speak English well, for the elderly, for people who have speech, hearing or are otherwise challenged.

If I had a dollar for every time I have made such a call for myself I could pay off a mortgage!


Anonymous said...

Nothing to fret about. Just wait until the government takes over the entire healthcare system and you need a doctor's appointment...

Anonymous said...

Very clever. Corporate behavior at its best. This should have been read aloud to the Supreme Court Justices during the Citizens United case. Maybe the outcome of that case would have been better for all of us.