Thursday, April 2, 2020

We acknowledge receipt of your order

We acknowledge receipt of your order. Thank you for shopping online with us. You should receive the requested items within:
a) one day
b) four days
c) two weeks
d) are you kidding

We acknowledge receipt of your order. Your request cannot be filled at this time because:
a) toilet paper now costs $300 a roll, you are unemployed and your bank account has $298
b) toilet paper with the picture of the face of President Trump is out of stock and by his executive order all production has stopped
c) toilet paper has been declared non-essential 
d) you should just eat less because you're looking a little chubby

We acknowledge receipt of your order. However we refuse to fill it because:
a) you live in New York City
b) you know someone who lives in New York City
c) you once wasted money on seeing "Cats"
d) your SAT score in English was under 650.

We acknowledge receipt of your order. But we have a few questions before we decide if we will fill it:
a) have you ever complained, even to yourself, about our service
b) do you believe in love at first sight
c) have you ever been accused of jaywalking
d) can you name the Presidents in height order

We acknowledge receipt of your order. We are out of stock of 19 of the 20 requested items. However the good news is:
a) we can ship you 12 Halloween masks of Vice President Pence
b) we will be getting in some out of date organic turkey any day
c) we found a box of 80% dark chocolate in the corner of the warehouse
d) we recently changed the striping in the parking lot and got three more spaces

We acknowledge receipt of your order. We think you must have confused us with your mother because:
a) we don't come to your house to make chocolate chip pancakes
b) we don't have time to play Scrabble with you
c) we can't read you a bedtime story
d) we can't figure out where that smell is coming from

We acknowledge receipt of your order. Please stop annoying us because:
a) we went out of business two weeks ago
b) we don't deliver to any zip code starting with a number
c) you voted Republican in the mid-terms
d) your eyes are not deep blue

Thanks again for thinking of us.


Anonymous said...



LPB said...

Hahaha. So true.

Anonymous said...

we acknowledge the receipt of your sarcastic paragraphs in order


Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...

This brought me a smile


Anonymous said...

Received - but waiting to read when I am comfortably seated - having paid off and received “on order” toilet paper. June? September.....?????!!


Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...

That was very funny‼️


Anonymous said...

Love it ! Thank you. H

Robert said...

Humor and MUSIC are indeed the best antidotes for almost anything that ails you!

Keep making us smile! xxoo...janie

Anonymous said...

650 on my SAT? how about 480. But 620 on math. PB

Anonymous said...

Another collector's article...lol


Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing! Need a little humor.


Anonymous said...

Brought a smile.


Anonymous said...

Hilarious and .. oy!