Saturday, December 25, 2021

The Christmas That Wasn't

 Santa's flight cancelled. 

This is tough to report. Three of Santa's reindeer tested positive for the Omicron variant of Covid on Christmas Eve. And with the rest of the reindeer having been in recent close contact with those infected, all having taken a few practice runs around the North Pole in the preceding days, and with no backup reindeer available, Christmas was officially cancelled at 11:59 PM on December 24th.

The word is that Santa is taking the news pretty hard. After all, this broke a streak that was thought to be even greater than that of Cal Ripken.  "Twas the Night Before Christmas" first reported the work of St. Nick in 1823. This would have made 199 consecutive appearances by the Jolly Man, and planning was already underway for a 200th extravaganza.

At the Pole, presents for good little boys and girls were stacked even higher than an elephant's eye,  thoughts of long term storage never contemplated or considered.

None of the infected reindeer have reported serious symptoms. Rudolph is suffering from a red nose, but no one is quite certain if this is a sign of a cold or merely his natural state of being. Cupid was forced to put down his bow and arrow and Dancer is not, but none have needed any veterinary hospitalization. A statement from Santa's spokesman gave thanks that it seemed all would fully recover in short order.

The question hanging in the air today is whether Christmas can receive a one year special exemption and be permitted to occur sometime in January. I mean Hanukah is always either early or late so why not allow the immutable to be, well, mutable this one time.

Thousands of other flights were cancelled this year due to short staffing from Covid. So many people around the globe have been disappointed, their holiday plans scuttled, laid low by the virus. What better Christmas present could they receive then to be advised there would be a makeup date that would permit the celebration to happen after all. A true Christmas miracle.

So, I ask if you would sign the annexed petition, declaring January 8, 2022 as the official Christmas Day 2021. By John Hancocking, you will be making one old man in a red outfit, along with millions of boys and girls very happy.

A speedy recovery to those laid low, emotionally or physically, by Covid on this most special of days.
And Merry Christmas, with an asterisk, to all.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Very clever! Sign me up!